Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
