dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.