Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.