Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
