Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Randomize
