I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
