I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
