Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
