I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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