we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
So apparently I’m into choking now
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
