I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
You can't just leave with hair like that
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
