he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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