I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
