I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
