it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
