Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Randomize
