every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
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He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
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