this beer tastes like vomit already
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
