he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
