Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Randomize
