all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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