Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
