she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
