If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I need water and some morals
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize
