That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
