Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
