the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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