smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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