Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
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I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
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I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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