This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
