I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
