he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
