It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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