i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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