So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Randomize
