She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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