You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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