So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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