You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Randomize
