I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
