I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
