oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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