I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
