I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
