did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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