Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
