i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
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