Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
