Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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