My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
