I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
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dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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