I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
