New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Randomize
