the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Found your dick twin last night
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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