2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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