3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
