Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
