if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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