I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
