If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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