I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
