i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Randomize
