Dignity is for republicans.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
