I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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