as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
