I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
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She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Sorry my hands just texted you
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
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